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Player Profile Page - Pics And Facts
Goalkeeper
Name: Colin 'The Wall' Harper
Occupation: Chuck Norris stunt double
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Finest Moment: Penalty save against Calderglen to book the team a cup final spot
Worst Moment: Fumbled through his own legs against The Derby Inn
Defender
Name: Stephen McDonough
Occupation: Karate Expert
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Finest Moment: Overhead clearence off his own goal line
Worst Moment: Drank A bottle of bleach
Defender
Name: Brian Mooney
Occupation: Kickboxer
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Finest Momment: Scoring a wonder goal against Larkhall in the Scottish Cup
Worst Moment: Hitting a bouncer with his own shoe
Defender
Name: Owen Clarke
Occupation: Fighter pilot
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Finest Moment: Split his head in a fearless challenge and drew blood for the cause
Worst Moment: Saw red for a proffesional fowl
Defender
Name: Andrew 'Duk' O'Donnell
Occupation: Hitman
Favoutite band: Larkhall Purple Heart Brigade
Finest Moment: Scored an overhead kick in the Scottish Cup
Worst Moment: Scored the most bizarre own goal the world has ever seen
Defender
Name: Liam 'William' Reilly
Occupation: Matador
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Finest Moment: Handed the captains arm band
Worst Moment: Somehow defied the laws of physics and kicked himself on the back of the head
Midfielder
Name: Peter 'Pan' Boyle
Occupation: SAS squad leader
Favourite Band: Medium Wave
Finest Moment: Scored winning pen against calderglen in a semi final shootout
Worst Moment: Caught in a comprimising situation in a public toilet
Midfielder
Name: Martin McQue
Occupation: Rocket....Scientist
Favourite Band: the Dazes
Finest Moment: Named Player of The Year In his first season with the team
Worst moment: Got his jaw broke with a light, friendly slap
Midfielder
Name: Chris Coliins
Occupation: The Red Teletubby
Favourite Band: Right said Fred
Finest Moment: He got a skinhead
Worst Moment: He let his hair grow back
Midfielder
Name: Gerald McCormack
Occupation: Inventor
Favourite Band: Mr Blobby
Finest Moment: Inventing the toaster
Worst Moment: Nothing to toast cause bread wasnt invented yet
Name: Gerry McGoogan
Occupation: Rock Star
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Finest Moment: Had His song played on Clan FM
Worst Moment: Clan FM chewed the tape.......It was the only copy
Forward
Name: Marky McLaughlin
Occupation: Rally Driver
Favourite Band: Elastic
Finest Moment: Scored a Screamer all thanks to a clinical assist from Harper
Worst Moment: Band from cup final due to too many yellow cards
Forward
Name: Gerry 'Raman' Reilly
Occupation: World Stong Man Contender
Favourite Band: Girls Aloud
Finest Moment: Scored the equaliser against Calderglen to take th game to pens
Worst Moment: Was caught offside....AFTER the game was finished
Forward
Name: Sean 'Elephant Man' Teirney
Occupation: High Court judge
Favourite Band: Hard Justice
Finest Moment: Coming back from a one year ban and scoring on his return
Worst Moment: Got knocked out by an opponent and got a one year ban for his troubles
Team Coach
Name: Eammon Reilly
Occupation: Heart Surgeon
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Finest Moment: Guiding the team to silverware in his second season in charge
Worst Moment: Subbed Harper at half time during a friendly when the team were 2-1 up. They eventually drew 2-2.
Team Coach
Name: George Reilly
Occupation: Bodyguard
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Finest Moment: Helped the team to a 14 game unbeaten run
Worst Moment: Turned up to game drunk and was sick on the ref
Team Coach
Name: Paul Mooney
Occupation: Olympic Sprinter
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Favourite Moment: Gave big Duk a private rub down before a game. Duk then scored an overhead kick
Worst Moment: Duk told Pauline about thier intimate meeting
Youth Team Captain
Name: Kieran Rielly
Occupation: Wrestling Coach
Favourite Band: The Dazes
Favourie Wrestler: John Cena
Favourite Team: The Bats